The Only Way
by Ninth Lady
Summary: A possible reason behind Yuna's determination to become a Summoner. A one shot angst!


The Only Way  
  
By Ninth Lady  
  
A/N: This is just a one shot look at a possibility in Yuna's life before her pilgrimage in FFX. Be warned that it is quite angsty and sad. Kiddies be warned!  
  
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He had been so handsome, so sexy, and so perfect. It made my breath quicken just to think about him wrapping his strong arms around me, making me feel safe and loved.  
  
About a year before my pilgrimage, I went back to Bevelle to do some training. There I met him. Him, the man that would become my boyfriend and lover.  
  
We met at the temple one day while I was practicing summoning. Since I had no aeons, I was just going through the ritual with the other trainees when he arrived.  
  
The priest was very angry and threatened to send him to Bikanel Desert if he continued to arrive so late and not take his training seriously. Apologizing to the priest, he caught my eye and winked. I smiled back- it seemed the two had a history of late arrivals and empty threats.  
  
From then on, he would join me during our training sessions. We would talk and occasionally get into trouble for talking so much, but I did not care, he was so much fun to be around that nothing mattered.  
  
One day, he invited me to dinner and I accepted. We dated steadily and on the one-month anniversary of meeting each other, we made love.  
  
We became lovers and I spent every available moment with him. I even began to neglect my training. How foolish I suppose, to neglect my training and the need for protection.  
  
I began to vomit in the mornings and my breasts became tender. I had weird food cravings and became ill around fish. To my horror, I was pregnant.  
  
I had to tell him, and on the day that I was to do so, he finished his training.  
  
I stood by his carriage, tears streaming down my porcelain cheeks. I did not beg him to stay; I did not tell him about my condition. He kissed me for the last time and whispered into my ear- "We will meet again."  
  
The rain poured down as his carriage rolled away. He waved good-bye, but I stood there like a statue, waiting till he was out of sight to sob.  
  
I went home that night miserable. Sitting on my bed, I looked down at my still flat belly. No one would notice if I quickly got rid of it. No one would know of my shame. If the priests knew, there would be no way I could become a Summoner. Summoners were not supposed to have babies out of wedlock.  
  
I screamed and cried, but it was no good. The chance to tell him was gone and so would be my chance as a Summoner if I did nothing.  
  
I could not give up the chance as a Summoner; it was my duty to Yevon, to follow in the footsteps of my honorable father. I could not fail him. It was my duty, the only way.  
  
Still, the days turned into weeks, and my belly grew as my resolve weakened. No matter how much my logic yelled, my emotions got the better of me and I would crumble. I was too weak to eradicate this unborn life- the only connection I had to him.  
  
Then one night while I was in my seventh month, I received his last letter, delivered by his guardian. The guardian apologized many times about something, but I did not hear him, all I could hear was a mocking voice as I read his final letter to me.  
  
My Dearest Yuna,  
  
If you have received this letter, it means that I am dead. I know that this may not mean anything to you when you get it but hear me out.  
  
I write this as I leave you behind in Bevelle. I cannot bear how we parted and you must know how I feel.  
  
Yuna I love you with all my heart and I know that I march on to my death. Oh please Yuna, if you can, avoid this horrible fate that we all walk into so willingly. We tell ourselves that it is the only way, but is it? I want to know, and I will give my life to know the truth behind Yevon.  
  
Yuna, although you never said I word, I suspect that you are carrying our child, the child born of our love for each other. Treasure our son or daughter; do not leave them as your father left you, and my parents me. Raise our child to be proud of who they are.  
  
Yuna, remember that I love you dearly and shall always. From the Farplane, I shall watch over you two.  
  
My love, do not cry for me though I may be gone. I shall never leave you, and in time you may find someone new. Your happiness brings me joy.  
  
Embrace love Yuna, embrace life.  
  
With all my love,  
  
Tears blotted out his name as I cried quietly to myself. He was dead and he had known. I could not give up the baby now, there was no way.  
  
With his letter, I resolved myself to return to Besaid and live out my days with my baby. If only I had known that returning would cost me.  
  
The carriage ride was fine, and so was the boat ride. Yet then upon my arrival, I fell from the top of the stairs.  
  
I do not remember all that much about it except people yelling and someone screaming. Later I was told the screaming was my own.  
  
I buried her at the Moonflow so that she would be able to see the glowing lake and the shoopuffs. On her marker, I placed a poem that he had once told me:  
  
Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint on snow. I am the sun on ripened grain. I am the soothing, gentle rain. When you awake in the morning hush, I am the sweet uplifting rush. Of quiet birds circled in flight. I am the stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there. I did not die.  
  
For them, I returned to Besaid to become a Summoner. For them, I resolved myself to be strong. For them, I sought to destroy the evil that trapped us all. For them, I resolved to live or die, by the only way I could.  
  
By embracing love.  
  
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How sad! Just something that popped into my head about her determination to become a Summoner. Her lover has no name, nor her daughter, but I think the story is better that way. The poem is a Norse (I think!) poem. Oh well, enjoy!  
  
~Ninth Lady~ "The Messiah of Silence" 


End file.
